If you’re struggling to know just what you can do to attract or re-attract her, then this is for you. What I will show you here, is to throw your intuition out of the window when it comes to dating. Instead, you need to act in a counter-intuitive way to re-attract a girl who has ended things, or gone cold.
What this does is to harness her neurochemicals in the correct way to make you appear more attractive. It also works if you’re a girl trying to attract a guy, or even girl/girl and guy/guy. It’s human nature and how we’re programmed.
1. You were too available
If you read only one step of this post, make it this one. Scarcity builds attraction, so if you’re being too available, setting a girl as your highest priority. If you want to re-attract her, then this needs to change.
You’ve found someone out there in the literal ocean of unsuitable matches that excites you. You find her super-hot and love spending time in her company too, so you spend more and more time with her. You’re letting other things in your life slip. You may even feel like you’re in love with her after hours, days, or a couple of weeks. I can say with conviction that you actually aren’t in love yet.
Let me explain:
Real love is when you see someone for all that they are ‘warts and all’ and still choose to love them. You put time into them and listen to what they have to say, even when the subject isn’t that thrilling. You also still love them when they’re at their lowest point, or look like a hot mess.
Attraction and lust, on the other hand, sees your brain on a neurochemical high and you feel great! The girl you met can do no wrong and may appear perfect. What’s happening though, is that you’re literally not thinking straight. You’re getting a dopamine hit (Same as taking Heroin) every time she texts you back, you see her, or have sex with her. You’re also getting a serotonin high (the happiness hormone) from the feelings of mutual attraction and oxytocin (the bonding hormone) every time you kiss, or cuddle her.
What this does, is have you walking around in a drug-fuelled haze and your mind will literally do anything to receive another drug/hormone hit. This is when you give too much of yourself and become too available, which acts like a wet blanket to her, dampening down her attraction. The trouble is, your intuition will tell you to contact her more, to try and re-attract her. What you need to do, is ignore your intuition. The only thing that will re-attract her, is scarcity.
Let me say this again:
Space and scarcity allows attraction to build and flourish. Without this, she will get bored of you pretty quickly. Even if she really likes you and you tick all her ‘boxes’, she’ll be less guided by ‘Logic’ and more guided by how you actually make her FEEL.
So how do you know what is too available? How do you handle things going forward, in order to re-attract her? The best way is by reading this post I did on Scarcity and Attraction
Once you’ve read and digested that post, you could also try this post on Texting I did a while back, then take the steps to put all this advice into action. This can save a relationship, or be useful next time you start dating someone. It’s basic Hook and release – make the interactions you have high quality, by spending less time together at the start of a relationship. She will then have time to think about all the great feelings you give her. More importantly, it will give her time to MISS YOU and crave more contact. As humans, we crave what we can’t have, so this will be powerful and will re-attract her.
2. The Kissing or sex put her off
Have you ever been really into someone and then the kissing creeps you out? Or they go straight for the tongue down the throat option, without even giving it 30 seconds? Maybe you don’t see a problem with this, but you should. My eBook: ‘Setting the Scene for an Amazing Sexual Relationship’ contains a ton of tips and techniques for you to use, that will ensure you don’t mess it up. If you’re not ready to buy that book yet, here’s a few tips:
• Use eye contact and build tension and closeness before going in for the kiss
• Begin to alternate between looking in her eyes and looking at her lips – this will be very erotic
• Escalate non-sexual touching – hold her lower back, touch the back of her arm as you close in
• Begin with very light and tender kisses using your lips only on her upper and lower lips
• Take your time before building to the next stage
• Use your tongue lightly on her lips
• Suck lightly on each lip
• Pause and breathe, getting eye contact
• Most girls don’t like full-on tongue action until you’re in the bedroom
Basically, take A LOT of time and keep it slow and sensual – the slower the kiss, the faster the heartbeat.
Most guys, in particular, try to escalate to sex too quickly. Most guys love sex and if you’ve ever tried to read any material from the PUA (Pick Up Artist) community, it is all about pushing to ‘Close’ a girl for sex. This is NOT what you should be doing. You shouldn’t ever ask her for sex, or even make it seem like it’s going to happen, as a woman’s brain likes to just feel she got swept up in the steaminess of the interaction and it just happened.
Build the tension:
Use kissing and some light foreplay and leave it there for the first couple of times – even if she begs you for it! What this does, is build attraction and tension. This is the scarcity principle in practice, when it comes to sex. She’ll likely be used to beta guys pushing for sex, so she won’t know what’s hit her.
The word Foreplay should be turned into Moreplay. This should form the vast majority of your sexual interactions, whether at the start of a relationship, or further down the line. Learn about female anatomy, then take some time paying attention to HER anatomy – we’re all different.
Learn what she likes and dislikes:
Either by the sounds she’s making, or by talking openly with her. As an authentic/alpha guy, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed when it comes to talking about sex. Tell her to guide you with what feels good. Don’t feel like this is an affront to your manhood; it’s all about her having the best time. You should go down on her, or get her off with your fingers before you even have sex:
• Go S-L-O-W-L-Y
• Begin with some massage
• Work your way towards her nipples and brush your fingers across, or lips and tongue with very light pressure
• Move your tongue or fingers slowly all around
• Be gentle
• Don’t go straight for her clit – work up the tension and wetness before you go there
• As she approaches orgasm (and if she’s making the right sounds) don’t stop what you’re doing, but increase the speed
This is a VERY BASIC guide – for more you’ll be needing my Sex eBook. Take everything really slowly and build tension. It’s not a race and she’ll thank you for taking your time (maybe not literally, but in her mind); most guys just want to ‘get it in’ ASAP and pay little regard to her pleasure. You’re a guy and getting off is usually easier for you, so what’s the rush?.
3. You acted like a beta male/nice guy and couldn’t handle your emotions
Remember the emotions and neurochemicals I talked about in step one? Well, if you get too caught up in your feelings and can’t handle being apart from her at all, then you’re going to appear needy. This is the definition of a Beta Male.
You may even then become passive aggressive when she has other plans, or project your own insecurities onto her and blame her for how you feel. If you have issues from your childhood, or past relationships, then it’s likely that they’ll surface when you start to fall for someone. Before getting into a new relationship, you need to learn to work through your issues and keep your emotions under control.
Give her space and she’ll wonder where you’ve gone
Once you start to pull back, she will notice your absence. She will wonder what’s wrong. After a while, she will start to miss you and wonder what she did wrong. It may take a few days, but I guarantee it will re-attract her and get her interested again.
For your life and your actions – no one can make you behave a certain way. You always have a choice. The best way to do this, is to not lose yourself for a relationship. Keep hold of what you hold dear – friends, family, hobbies and career. This is what makes you interesting to her, so how much sense does it make to give all this up just to spend more time with her? Let’s face it, you don’t actually know her enough at this stage to put all your trust in.
Even when you get down the line in a longer relationship, your partner should support your purpose. This means dreams, goals, friendships, hobbies and aspirations. Anyone that expects you to give up parts of yourself to be with them is doing so from a place of insecurity. This constitutes a toxic relationship, so keep your wits about you and set very firm boundaries.
If you want to be attractive, your time needs to appear valuable. Harness the scarcity principle and give her shorter bursts of quality time, at least in the beginning. Don’t be always available/replying immediately to her texts. Think about what message you’re giving out. Make her brain think you’re the prize, not the other way around. This will re-attract her.
To kissing, then foreplay, then sex. Get to know her qualities and flirt like hell first. The longer the tension builds, the better the sex will be when it finally happens.. Concentrate on her pleasure, not yours. Don’t ask her for sex, or push for it – it makes you look like a needy Beta Male.
Keep your emotions in check
Own your own actions and decisions. No one is to blame for how you feel. If a girl does or says something you are not happy with, then by call her out on it. We all deserve to be treated with respect. Set clear boundaries and if someone disrespects you repeatedly, have enough self-respect to walk away. Keep hold of your life, goals and passions. Anyone who cares for you will fit into the life you already have.
I hope this post has been helpful. Please feel free to comment below, or hit the share button. If you need more help to re-attract someone, don’t forget our comprehensive eBook: How To Win Her Back for Good.